Simply Matt

Here are a few pictures, as promised. We sure are glad to be home. Thanks to everyone that e-mailed their congratulations.

Yeah, yeah…I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile. My wife is pregnant. There, that’s my excuse.

I took my daughter over to my dad’s today. He lives in a small town outside of Columbia, and every year, they have a little parade and fair. Here are some of the pictures that I took today. They’re not great quality (I took them on my cell phone), but they turned out pretty good.

I know it’s been awhile since my last post. I’ve been working on upgrading my website’s blog engine to WordPress 2.5. It has some pretty nice new features. One of the coolest is the little photo gallery tool. I thought our trip to the Cardinal game this past Sunday would be a great way to try it out. Unfortunately, the Cardinals were absolutely awful, and the Giants beat them 8-2. Luckily, we didn’t have to pay for the tickets!

Many thanks to Erica for taking the pics. Enjoy!

Okay…I know it’s been just a little over a week since my last post. But not to worry…I’ve been thinking deep thoughts. I actually came up with one just now that I think you’ll enjoy. I’m going to start a string of posts that I’ve entitled ‘People I Feel Sorry For.’ Everyone needs a little sympathy (or pity), especially when it’s warranted. Don’t worry…I’m not going to start showing pictures of some poor guy that got his nose shot off. That would just be gross.

Here’s my first:

Catherine Zeta Jones

Catherine Zeta Jones is a beautiful, beautiful woman. The desire of men all over this great land. I liked her in the Zorro movies – they were cute. I enjoyed Entrapment with Sean Connery – I’m always up for a good caper. She was outstanding in Traffic – totally ruthless.

However, have you seen the frickin’ side of beef that she’s married to? Observe and compare:

I have to believe that she committed relational suicide when she made out with Sean Connery in Entrapment for all the world to see. Thirty-year-old hotty swapping spit with a sixty-year-old who sounds drunk all the time…I’m just saying.

So, I’m sitting at a wedding rehearsal right now (typing this on my cell phone). It’s such a strange ritual, isn’t it? I mean, did God really have all this in mind when he gave us marriage?

First of all, there’s the groomsmen. They all come to the front of the church in a line, all dressed in the same threads. Sometimes I wish that they would hold hands like preschool kids at the museum field trip. It would make me giggle. They think they look fly. Their girlfriend/wife may even think they look cool. But, the sad reality is that only James Bond looks good in a bow tie.

I’m pretty sure that only half of the bridesmaids are glad to be there. Think about it. Put five women in a room and ask them what they think is good fashion. You’ll get at least four different answers. You take those same five women and make them all wear the exact same dress that none of them actually picked out, and you may well have a full revolt on your hands.

I think the best part of the wedding, though, has to be the kids. You never know what they’re going to do. If you’re actually lucky enough to get them down the aisle, you really have to watch them. Otherwise, one may knock over the candle stand and catch the bride’s dress on fire, at which point the Maid of Honor will have to beat her with the bouquet to save her life.

And of course, don’t forget the ever popular groomsman that passes out, or the bride who trips on her way down the aisle. My personal favorite, however, is when drunk Uncle Bob shows up and has Vietnam flashbacks around the time the flashbulbs start going off. Suddenly, the groomsmen look like Viet Cong, and the flowers look a lot like jungle. It takes a good four hours and a nice shot with a tranquilizer gun to get old Bob out of the baptistry.

I think the ideal wedding should be performed more like a BBQ. Everyone wears whatever they want, the food is way better than the country club’s, and you can just take drunk Uncle Bob out back and beat him senseless(er) when he starts acting up. Then, if the bride doesn’t die from the groom’s cooking, everyone gathers around for the kiss that seals the deal.

I know, I know. I’m a genius. And is God laughing – hopefully with me.