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What we do for luv
By Matt Walker | March 28, 2008
So, I’m sitting at a wedding rehearsal right now (typing this on my cell phone). It’s such a strange ritual, isn’t it? I mean, did God really have all this in mind when he gave us marriage?
First of all, there’s the groomsmen. They all come to the front of the church in a line, all dressed in the same threads. Sometimes I wish that they would hold hands like preschool kids at the museum field trip. It would make me giggle. They think they look fly. Their girlfriend/wife may even think they look cool. But, the sad reality is that only James Bond looks good in a bow tie.
I’m pretty sure that only half of the bridesmaids are glad to be there. Think about it. Put five women in a room and ask them what they think is good fashion. You’ll get at least four different answers. You take those same five women and make them all wear the exact same dress that none of them actually picked out, and you may well have a full revolt on your hands.
I think the best part of the wedding, though, has to be the kids. You never know what they’re going to do. If you’re actually lucky enough to get them down the aisle, you really have to watch them. Otherwise, one may knock over the candle stand and catch the bride’s dress on fire, at which point the Maid of Honor will have to beat her with the bouquet to save her life.
And of course, don’t forget the ever popular groomsman that passes out, or the bride who trips on her way down the aisle. My personal favorite, however, is when drunk Uncle Bob shows up and has Vietnam flashbacks around the time the flashbulbs start going off. Suddenly, the groomsmen look like Viet Cong, and the flowers look a lot like jungle. It takes a good four hours and a nice shot with a tranquilizer gun to get old Bob out of the baptistry.
I think the ideal wedding should be performed more like a BBQ. Everyone wears whatever they want, the food is way better than the country club’s, and you can just take drunk Uncle Bob out back and beat him senseless(er) when he starts acting up. Then, if the bride doesn’t die from the groom’s cooking, everyone gathers around for the kiss that seals the deal.
I know, I know. I’m a genius. And is God laughing - hopefully with me.
Topics: Ramblings |
March 30th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I’m wondering what Sarah would think if she knew you were sitting there on the most important day of her life typing a blog on your cell phone! :o) My big issue with weddings is the amount of money spent on one day when it’s really the days after the wedding that matter. However, it’s interesting to read about a man’s point of view.
March 30th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Ok, my bad - I thought you were doing this at the wedding - missed the rehearsal part. :o)
March 30th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Oh…I’m not that stupid…I know she could take me.